Living. And loving. And hurting.
I know it sounds trite, but honestly the biggest difference in my life has come from gratitude. It’s not the regular, run-of-the-mill, ‘yeah yeah, I’m glad my kids are healthy’ gratitude, though. It’s a deep, abiding, earth shaking gratitude. And it’s not easy to access. Truly, I don’t think we get there without some type of push.
Holy shit. It has been three years since my baby died. I can tell you truthfully that I didn’t think I would survive to write those words. The moments and days and weeks after his death, I didn’t believe that I could live for that long. The pain was so exquisite – it was surreal. It didn’t feel possible that… Read More
Let me say something. It’s been ages again since I’ve written, and I started out saying again that I don’t know why, but that isn’t true. I do know. The minute I write a post, edit it, and then go to publish it, I’m hit with a powerful punch in the gut. It happens every time. “Why am I doing… Read More
Several months after Rory died, still thick in the blanket of grief, someone I love dearly invited me to a show about death. I said yes, of course, but not because I was interested in the show about death. I said yes because I wanted to spend time with this person whom I love dearly, and any opportunity to do… Read More
This is another installation in what was a 36 part series on my life that began here and culminated in Rory’s death. However, our story did not stop when his life did, so I have decided to continue writing. I remember sitting on the couch next to Brock, the world in sharp relief around me. Everything felt more real… Read More
I think one of the most powerful feelings I’ve had after all of this ‘tragedy’ (I’m sorry, that word has ceased to have meaning to me. Now it just seems like a really strange jumble of letters,) – the strongest feeling I’ve had is that Rory’s death should not make parenting harder. I can’t tell you how many well intentioned… Read More
