I’m the worst freaking mom in the world.

I know, all moms have these days, right? How about nearly killing your kid multiple times? ‘When it rains, it pours’ is probably the most appropriate cliche right now.

I woke up exhausted today. Ronan didn’t sleep well last night (surprise, surprise), and I did what I’ve done multiple times in the past – I grabbed a few toys, piled Brock’s pillows up on his edge of the bed, put Ronan in the middle, and went back to sleep. Now, our mattress is just sitting on the box springs on the floor, instead of on a frame. Regardless, when a child decides to crawl over the pillows and push himself off of the edge of the bed, the thump he makes when he hits the ground is substantial. I woke as though I’d never been sleeping, and ran around the bed to find him before he’d even had the chance to realize he’d fallen, before he’d taken in his big breath to scream. I panicked, and “Ronanronanronanronanronan” came out of my mouth all as one word. I picked him up, cuddled him tight, and cried. I was shaking so hard as I checked him over for bumps or sore spots. Yes, my son is fine. He didn’t cry for more than 30 seconds, before he was squirming to be put down again. Sure, everyone says this stuff happens to all moms, and it’s how we learn to be more careful in the future, right? Doesn’t stop me from wearing the “worst mom in the world” hat today.

As if that were the only thing! I also noticed a crummy, white film all over the inside of Ronan’s mouth. Yeah, he’s got Thrush.

Thrush, you might be wondering, is a yeast infection of the mouth. It can be painful, irritating, and cause an infant to not want to eat. I had the same thing when I was around 6 months old, and I wouldn’t drink from a bottle because it was so painful. My mom had to teach me to drink from a cup, and once the infection cleared up I never went back to a bottle. I’m hoping I caught it early enough that it wont be a problem. I coated his mouth with Gentain Violet, which is supposed to be great for clearing up yeast. Now, he’s got a purple mouth, purple fingers, and everything he touches turns purple. Great.

What, Mandy? You mean that’s not all?

Of course not. I gave him a bath tonight, as I usually do, by filling the tub up to his navel, and sitting in the tub with him. We (Brock and I), both find it easier as well as a lot of fun! Today, instead of getting out dripping wet in order to wrap Ronan in a towel, I stood up while he was sitting and playing quietly and started to dry off while I was standing in the tub. Ronan sits up very well on his own now, and almost never topples over anymore. But, of course, if the worst thing can happen, it will. I saw it coming from miles away. He started to lean precariously to the left, so I picked up my foot to balance him. If we had been on dry ground, that would have been the end of it… however, we were in a tub – and tubs are slippery. Ronan didn’t right himself, he overbalanced and toppled to the right. I dropped my towel, grabbed at him and caught his arm just in time to watch him swing around onto his back and see his face submerge. Did you know babies don’t close their eyes when they go under water? His were screaming, “HELP ME MOM!”

I know, I know… he was only “under” the water for about 2 seconds, tops. I’m sure it panicked him more than anything else, and he again only cried for a minute. Still. I feel like I should give him back before I do something terrible. Worst mom in the world.