I feel like I am about to cry.

How many things can go bad in just a few days?  We had to let our nanny go last week, and now I wish we hadn’t.  She didn’t show up on Tuesday, and I had to call in to work (making me look very bad), and we told her that we were going to find other arrangements.  Now we have to put Ronan into daycare. 

I worked this past weekend, two full 12 hour shifts.  It was really difficult, and busy, but I think I did really well.  Today, my manager calls me and says she wants me to come in an hour early tomorrow so we can “talk”.  She said that other techs have made comments about their confidence in me, and that she doesn’t think I’m ready for weekends.  We need a “plan” to get me back on track.  So, now I feel like shit about my work as well. 

Brock keeps telling me that I need to get pumped up, get my confidence in myself back, get an ego and not let myself be pushed around.  I don’t know how to handle these ladies at work.  I feel like I have to watch every step, and if I say or do the wrong thing it’s going to be reflected as my ability as a tech.  Sure, there are some things I’m not terribly good at yet, but the only way to get really good at doing things like this is to just jump in and start doing them.  I don’t feel like I’m going to make massive improvements by working during the week more, I feel like I’ve made massive improvements by scanning on the weekends. 

Add to all of this that I feel totally burnt out from working so many hours.  Days during the week, days on the weekend… even though I’m in the middle of my second day off, I don’t feel rested.  I feel stressed out that I have to get all of Ronan’s stuff ready for Daycare tomorrow, and I have to work a 12 hour shift.  I can’t give the daycare frozen milk, so I have to thaw all of it today.  It wont stay good over night, so I have to feed it to him today, and pump fresh milk for tomorrow.  What a pain.

I really just want to cry.  Not getting any good sleep last night doesn’t make things any better.  It’s not even 1:00 yet and I wish this day was over and I could just go to bed.