I would so love to be home for the holidays.

Strange turn of phrase, that one.  I’m sure it’s probably incorrect… that you would be “so” something.  I’m sure it’s a phrase that would annoy my dad to hear it.  I would so want to see his reaction.

Mom said on the phone the other day that if Brock and I could swing half of the price of plane tickets, they would pay the other half.  It would be our Christmas present, but if it meant going home for the holidays, it would be worth it.  I’ve been scouring ticket prices for the past three days trying to find some way to make it work.  I have a hard enough time justifying 400 dollar plane tickets, but when they get up to 700+ EACH, there really isn’t any way to make it make sense.  I don’t even expect a quarter of that price as a Christmas present.  I don’t expect to have that much spent on me total, any and all gifts combined.  How can I ask that that be paid just so I can be home for Christmas?

And yet I want it so badly.  When I asked Brock if he thought we could try, and he said yes… I cried.  Immediately, the idea of being home when I had already given up the hope brought tears to my eyes.  I want it so very badly.  I hate the idea that I wont be able to afford gifts for anyone in order to go.  I hate that we wont see Thomas and Heather and Edward.  But if I’m honest to myself, I’ve seen Thomas and Heather and the baby five times since Brock and I started seeing each other.  I’ve seen my family once.

Pam, one of the nurses that watches out for me at work, said she could tell how much I need to go home.  She has two daughters of her own that are my age, and she said she can imagine how my mom feels.  She said she expected to hear about the purchase of my plane tickets on Monday.

I think we need to go.