I don’t even know what to write.

Today was my first full day as a sonographer for Huntersville Ob/GYN.  I can’t say that I didn’t have a good day.  I can’t.  But I am so exhausted at 5:45 in the evening, that I’m hoping I just had the “first day jitters.” 

We should start at the beginning though.  I got to the office at 8:30 this morning, and went back to the ultrasound room.  The first thing I said was, out loud, “You have to be kidding me.”  They weren’t kidding.  The room is about the size of a large closet.  It has a small exam bed in the middle, and the machine off to the side.  That wasn’t what really upset me, though.  What upset me was how incredibly untidy… I’ll be honest… unCLEAN the room was.  There were random things sitting on just about every surface.  Dust, old gel, and betadine stains everywhere.  I spent the first hour just cleaning and reorganizing my workspace. 

I did about ten patients today, which is a slow day by hospital standards.  What I have to keep in mind, however, is that 10 patients in 12 hours is much different than 10 patients in 7 hours.   I wasn’t really stressed out, or even frustrated.  Mostly, I was just unsure if what I was doing was right or not, and didn’t have my old teacher there to reassure me when I needed it. 

I’m sure things will work out to be fine.  I’m sure I’ll be able to rearrange my equipment so my shoulders aren’t aching by the end of the day from reaching for my patients.  I’m sure that eventually I’ll know exactly where everything comes from, and where it all goes again.

Just not today.  And that has to be ok.