A quick entry before work, so I don’t run out of time later.
Yesterday, some of you may have noticed that my mom left a comment. She has been following my Xanga, and didn’t want to be left without the chance to respond. She said:
To Mandy
So, you don’t tell your mother everything! I had to find out about
turkeys on Xanga! That’s okay. I don’t tell you everything either.
Like how proud I am of you, and how much I miss you .
That you make my day when I pick up the phone and you say hi mama.
How it breaks my heart to have to say “Mandy I can’t talk right now
cause 5 people are clamoring for my attention” and to have to tell you
to call back later. I am like a seven year old waiting for Christmas
about our vacation because I get to have you to myself for however long
you can be with us in September. I don’t have to share. Except with
your dad and that’s okay cause he misses you too! Only he’ll tell you
you still talk too much. lol And then if it happens that you can come
home for Christmas I won’t mind sharing because I will have already had
my selfish share.
I want to tell you about what happened last night.
A young lady about your age came into the hotel looking very upset
and crying and asked me for a room. I of course got her settled and
then being a nosy mom, asked if there was anything I could do to help
her and she said no thanks, I just need a bath and some pain killers
and some sleep. I told her to let me know if she got any worse and I
would take her to the hospital. Anyway an hour later the front desk
called me and asked me to go to her {name was Roya} room. I went right
away and she was burning with fever and crying obviously in alot of
pain.
I took her right to the hospital and stayed with her while they
examined her and admitted her and she kept saying “you don’t have to
stay with me” and I said, yes I do, because someday if something ever
happened to my daughter I would want to know that there was someone out
there who would care enough to help her. THAT was firstmost in my
thoughts. This morning when I went back to the hospital to get her,
the hug she gave me was almost like a hug from you. She was diagnosed
as having a severe kidney infection and was going to continue on her
way home.
I think at times I do for other young people what I can’t do for
you. Be there to be a comfort and give a hug when someone needs one.
Still none of them can take away the loneliness that only goes when you
are home.
I do love you, and miss you more
MOM
I replied to her with this:
Mother…
Maybe go get some tissues.
It
is a good thing we had that talk today about crying being a good thing.
You made me cry and cry. Brock came over to hug me, and couldn’t figure
out what was wrong. He kept asking me, “What is it? Is she mad at you?
Is she sad at you? What did she say?” …but I was crying too hard to
answer.
Why is it that sometimes we can’t say the things we mean to say until it gets to be too much to hold inside?
I
miss you so much. I miss you every day. I miss your cigarettes, and
your coffee cups. I miss putting away the dishes even though I hate it.
I’m crying right now, I miss it so much. I miss talking about books,
and watching movies, and sitting beside you on the couch. I miss
hearing you tell dad to go stuff it, and seeing him smirk when you turn
your back. I miss… mom, I miss everything. And it is so hard living
without you.
I know you are proud of me… I am proud of me
too. I just wish I could share it with you more than a phone call, some
pictures, and an email.
I love you. Tell dad I love him too.
I just thought it was worth sharing.
Also, THANK YOU to everyone for the congratulations on my exam grade, and the well wishes and support for my job interview. You guys are great!
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Part 4 –
Bigger’s Bed and Breakfast was a gorgeous, scenic little cabin and restaurant over the edge of a river valley. As I bumped my way up the gravel drive, I sent a quick text proclaiming my arrival, and pulled into the parking lot. My eyes were squinted tightly against the blaze of the sun when I opened the door and pushed myself forward into the startling heat. Perhaps that heat was playing tricks on my mind, but I went to the back of the car to get my suitcases. For some reason it had not occurred to me that I was late for dinner and should head directly in. The keys were in cahoots with the sun, and I was struggling to find the right one when I was interrupted. A startlingly handsome man had caught my eye. He was strolling in my direction, and I remember thinking that I must have parked next to his car. Instinctively, I turned towards him as he drew near, and his face broke into a giant, elated grin; the most sincere and heartfelt smile I had ever seen. “Holy crap…Brock?!” The words leapt out of my mouth as he wrapped me in a hug, “You are so much taller than I remember!” I said excitedly. I realized shortly afterwards that we had probably never shared a hug before.
Throughout the evening and the following day, things were a relaxed sort of shy. Our banter was light, our laughs were genuine, and our smiles were fixed. I didn’t want to allow myself to believe that he could like me back. At this point, I was hardly even admitting to myself that I liked him as much as I did. But it was in his long looks, his casual touches, his easy chatter; I wanted so badly for him to like me back. We made it through the ceremony and reception with little to-do. The dance came next, and we enjoyed a few drinks. Being the ever-polite gentleman, Brock requested a dance, but I declined out of a lack of self-confidence. He just laughed at me. The sun was setting when we found ourselves sitting out under the canopy. Music was drifting out of the open doors and windows of the house. The friendly buzz I was riding had me commenting that my feet had begun to ache from wearing heels all day. Without even skipping a beat, Brock leaned down, pulled my foot up to his lap, and began to rub out the knots. Stunned, and speechless, I tried to rationalize why he would be so wonderful, so thoughtful as to do that if he didn’t like me. I had so convinced myself all day that Brock was just being his sweet southern self and I was looking far too desperately into his actions…but his taking my foot took the cake. My heart began to soar.
